Signs Your Company Has Hired A Bad Programmer
1. Uses AOL for his home email/internet access
2. Doesn't know the difference between an IP address and a MAC address
2a. When you mention a MAC address, he thinks you're talking about Apple computers
3. Was previously unaware that you could have more than one monitor connected to a computer
3a. Asks if multimonitor setups can be used on all video cards by using some sort of y-cable
4. Tries to impress you by mentioning how much time he's supposedly spending at home each night, learning to use a certain programming language. Problem is, he was hired because he supposedly knew this stuff already. But now he's "busting his tail" to learn it. From scratch. And he wonders why you're not impressed. To be fair, this is a fault of my company's hiring practices (which I'm not involved with) as much as it is his fault.
5. Wears a Java shirt even though he can't code in Java (this is not the language I'm referring to in #4)
6. Has breath that smells like a plate of wet tuna fish that's been left in the sun for a while and possibly urinated on. I'm sorry, I know programmers sometimes have little hygiene problems, but if venturing within ten feet of you is a problem, that's taking things too far.
7. Keeps talking to you even though you have donned headphones for the express purpose of ignoring him. No, I DON'T feel like walking you through the "Hello, World" example chapter, you cluess pile of dung.
8. You're building an n-tiered application, and you explicitly and repeatedly inform him that he'll be working on the presentation tier ONLY. He spectacularly fails to understand this, and pesters you with suggested database designs (that suck). Trust me, he's not knowingly overstepping his bounds here. He's absolutely failing to *comprehend* his bounds because he does not understand the concept of separation between the presentation, business logic, and data layers.
